Capture the Flag
by Shadow-StrikeRaven
Summary: Sequel to This Means War, but can be read as a stand alone fic. Merlin gets his vengeance, resulting in more crack, more bromance, more friendship, more Gwaine(this time... dare I say it, SOBER and with a Tarzan Twist), more banter, more pranks, more jokes, and more... well everything... Oh, and let's not forget Doris! Elyan x Sphinx. Slight?Crack/Post Reveal
1. Chapter 1

**So, Here it is! The sequel to This is War. Most likely going to be three or four chapters long...**  
**Hope you enjoy, and please R&R to let me know your fave bits, or what you didn't like or what you would like to see more of and what not.**  
**So, without further ado, Merlin! Get your vengeance!**

* * *

Gwaine threw his sword to the floor in a drunken rage.  
"This is so boring!"  
He was referring, of course, to the fact that they were, yet again, on the training fields. And were, yet again, sword fighting. And they were, yet again, losing to their prat of a king.  
The others looked at him as he sulked, and he shrugged.  
"What? You can't tell me you're not bored. Same thing every day?"  
The others started nodding, and Leon sighed.  
"But what else is there to do?"  
As one, they all shared looks and looked over to Merlin, who blinked and took a step back.  
"Oh no... No way..."  
Gwaine gave him puppy eyes,  
"Pleeeaaassseeee Merlin? I was never involved in the destruction of Neckie? What have I done to deserve this doom? You can't tell me you enjoy to see Arthur winning?"  
He realised that Merlin wasn't listening, and his face fell as Merlin gave a look that told them he was thinking of his deceased neckerchief. Then Gwaine took a step away from the others as Merlin got an evil glint in his eye and an evil grin split across his face.  
The others glared at him, and he shrugged.  
"Erm... Oops?"

Twenty minutes later and they were all stood in the courtyard, as Merlin explained the rules of their new... training schedule.  
"It's called capture the flag," the warlock said, grinning, "And it works like this..."  
_

The rules were simple.  
Each party, namely Arthur and all of his knights (well, those loyal or stupid enough to side with him anyway) vs... Merlin (_possibly_ with... well...everyone else) had to pick a base of operations.  
Each team then had a flag to protect and the aim of the game was to capture the others flag and take it back to their base, whilst preventing the other team from doing so.

_**First order of business, find your base.**_  
Arthur and his men spent a couple of minutes discussing this, whilst Merlin took off immediately.  
Arthur eventually got his men to agree to the Throne room, namely because it was so simple, Merlin wouldn't think they would choose it. He couldn't think they were that stupid?  
Apparently, Merlin believed they _were _that stupid, and watched from the balcony above the throne room, his own base of operations, as they all traipsed in, stood their flag against the round table, and started discussing their plans. Right under his nose... Literally.

_**Step two. Come up with a plan and carry it out.  
**_As the men below him were discussing what way to approach this, Merlin used his, uncanny and unrecognised, rope skills to toss a rope around the edge of the chandelier, above the table. Then, swung himself so that he was sat on the edge of the chandelier. Unknown to... well, everyone, he actually had really good balance. He tied the rope around, just as he heard Arthur say,  
"No hurry. He will have to come up with a plan too, you know..."  
Merlin sighed, so little faith... And tied one end of the rope around his waist.  
He then proceeded to lower himself. Silently, down, using the other half of the rope.  
He masked his humming, with a little magic, to the tune of Bedivere's very catchy song,  
_"I'm lowering myself down,  
I'm lowering myself down,  
I'm using ropes and I've got high hopes,  
As I'm lowering myself down."__**  
**_He silently, as the knights were in a discussion about how he would try to capture theirs, most believing he would, in some way, make it big and showy with loads of magic and illusions and the like, lowered himself onto the table and gently lifted up their flag.

_**Step Three, Get enemy flag back to own base.**_  
It took him a few seconds to manoeuvre it so that it was secure, then he began to pull himself up again, slowly.  
That's when he had a problem.  
Gwaine, not faintly interested in Leon's ideas that Merlin would do some kind of weird thing where he burst through the ground under their feet, started aimlessly glancing around the room, and caught sight of the rope. And Merlin. He blinked a couple of times, majorly impressed with what he was seeing, and then caught Merlin's 'oh crap' face. He turned to Arthur.  
"Err... Sire?"  
"Not now Gwaine."  
"But this is imp-"  
"I said not now! We are coming up with strategies and trying to figure out what Merlin is doing! So unless you can tell us where the scrawny git is at this particular moment in time-"  
"Well... I"  
"Exactly. You don't. So shut up."  
Gwaine shut up and looked back to Merlin, shrugging, before they started one of their silent conversations.  
Gwaine shrugged, gesturing to Arthur incredulously,  
Translation, "He's insufferable. Ah well, I tried."  
Merlin shrugged and raised an eyebrow.  
Translation, "You're only just realising this _now_?"  
Gwaine glared, then grinned, motioning upwards.  
"Oi... Ah what the hell. Are you gonna get moving or what?"  
Merlin shrugged, and shot him a grin.  
Translation, "Good idea. Cheers buddy, I'll buy you a beer..."  
Okay, maybe not the beer part, but Gwaine got the message.  
He watched, out of the corner of his eye, a Merlin hoisted himself up, not using any magic, and roped himself around the chandelier again. That's when Gwaine heard Arthur speak again.  
"So, Bedivere, you, Tristan, Erec, Daniel and Kay protect the flag and-"  
"Sire?" Gwaine butt in, "What flag?"  
At that, they all span round and noticed the ropes, their eyes following it up to where Merlin was getting to his feet on the chandelier. The young man looked down, giving them a grin and a snappy, yet ridiculously sarcastic, salute, before swinging through the air and landing, deftly, on the banister on the edge of the balcony.  
He swayed a little, almost looking as though he were going to fall, then regained his balance, jumping onto the balcony. He span around, spinning the flag like a baton.  
Then he called down.  
"Showy magic and illusions, huh? Drilling through the floor? Nope, just me and a rope and skills that every country civilian learns as a child... Oh wait. Nobility."  
Elyan and Gwaine, trying to diffuse the pulsing vein in Arthur's forehead, called up.  
"We're not noble..."  
"One of you is a blacksmith and one of you is a drunk."  
Elyan and Gwaine looked at each other and Gwaine shrugged.  
"He has a point."

Arthur glanced around at his knights in exasperation.  
"The best fighters in the whole Kingdom and you are out witted by a servant-"  
"With magic Sire" Leon added, and Merlin snorted,  
"But I didn't use magic."  
Now Arthur snorted.  
"You're telling me that you swung from the balcony to the chandelier, lowered yourself down, grabbed the flag, hoisted yourself back up and swung back onto the balcony, without magic, without several of the most well trained men in the kingdom noticing and without making a sound? Again, without magic? Just on your own? Preposterous!"  
Merlin shrugged, looking sheepish. "I've already said I had a rope..."  
Gwaine spoke up.  
"He's not lying Sire. He did it without magic."  
"And you know this... How...?"  
"I did try to tell you... and you didn't notice either Princess..."  
"It's not my job to notice you imbeciles!"  
Arthur slumped into his chair, grumbling, and his mood was not made better by Merlin calling out to him.  
"Yeah but you're the one who has trained them, Prat."  
Then, ignoring Arthur's gnashing teeth, Percival spoke up.  
"Sire, he still has to get it to his base..."  
Merlin gave a shocked gasp, then a panicked expression.  
"Oh no!" He gave a dramatic show of calming his breathing, then, ceremoniously, placed the flag on the floor at his feet and took a deep breath.  
"Phew... That was a close one... Soooo... Round two?"  
With a flash of gold, their flag was back in place and Merlin was flexing his fingers  
Leon blinked,  
"You're telling me that your base is... there? Well, this makes life much simpler Sire."  
Arthur nodded, and got to his feet.  
"Men, with me."  
They raced to the door, poured through it, and launched themselves forward. Percival, first there, wrenched open the door to find... a wall. Too slow to stop, he ran straight into it and fell backwards, the others tripping over and falling on top of him.  
Gwaine, having left a bit after the others, and in no mood to rush, came across the sight of a pile of groaning knights a few seconds later and grinned his 'I'm drunk so I will get away with this' grin.  
"PILE ON!" he cried, and ran up, jumping on top of them all and earning several pained cries and a 'Gwaine I will kill you!' from Percival, still beneath everyone else.  
Gwaine considered those words, then got up.  
"Ah well, better make it worth it then."  
He got up and, jutting out his elbow, took a few steps back. And then ran and took a diving leap into the air to land with his elbow driving into the small of Arthur's back. Arthur let out a pained cry, that sounded not girl-like in the slightest, and yelped.  
"Gwaine, I'm gonna kill you!"  
Gwaine sighed and rolled off the top, a huge satisfied smirk across his face, and accidentally stepping on Arthur's and Leon's hand.  
"Get in line Princess."  
Leon spoke up, his voice a growl, "Why do you think I'm not going to? The bloody queue is too long..."

Bedivere, luckily, for him, only on the outskirts of the pile on, rolled off as well.  
"Who's at the front of this line? He could make a fortune selling his place?"  
Gwaine considered, then nodded to himself.  
"Some bartender called Jack. Annis's lands. I kinda burned down his pub..."  
"How the hell did you do that?"  
"Hey, I was five... and a half... give or take a day. I'm not too sure, the entire time is a bit blanked out... It was my first drink. I wasn't always this resistant to alcohol."  
Bedivere blinked,  
"Okay... How about a little closer to home? Who's furthest forward in Camelot."  
"Hmm... I believe it was the stable boy. Apparently pushing someone into horse crap isn't funny for the pushee."  
"Oh..." Leon's face fell. "Even if he remembers that, Stable boys hold grudges for years... He'll never sell his position in the 'Kill Gwaine' line. Who's next Gwaine?"  
"Rosa. You know? Head of laundry?"  
"Why? I thought she hated everyone?"  
Gwaine's face fell into a brooding expression as he fell into a horrifying memory.  
"So did I... But not Merlin. No... Not Merlin... I accused him of getting my clothes dirty and..." Gwaine gulped and subconsciously rubbed his ear. "I still have nightmares... Scrubbing... scrubbing... Gods the SCRUBBING!"  
He fell against the wall, muttering under his breath about scrubbing and ears and 'Not Merlin', wringing his hands feverishly. Then he cried out "No Doris! No! Scrubbing and Doris and NO! Merlin I am going to kill you!"  
Merlin grinned from where he was lounging against the wall a safe distance away.  
"Now you remember me. Anyway, you'll also have to get in line, Gwaine?"  
Arthur spoke up, finally having disentangled himself.  
"What? Merlin, aside from everyone evil and all that, who wants to kill you?"  
Leon coughed slightly.  
"I'm seventh in the queue. I believe Merlin has our names on a list for our convenience."  
Percival spoke up,  
"Twenty-Eighth. After a few evil doers"  
Then Kay, Bedivere, and Tristan,  
"Fourth..."  
"Twelfth."  
"Eighteenth. Again, evil doers come first"  
Then Leon spoke up again.  
"Then there is Gwen, sixth, but I believe she had forgiven him. Elyan? Aren't you on the list?"  
"Yup. Eleventh. I said it just before Bedivere did that day he dropped a hammer onto the floor and caused us to trip into the mud. Where are you Arthur?"

The King blinked. And so did Merlin.  
"Actually," the younger man said, still leaning against the wall, "He's not on the list. He's never actually threatened to kill me. Goblets thrown at my head, yup. Stocks, threatens me with them, on average, twice a day. Pillows, being fired, target practice, yes, yes and yes, but never to kill me. I think he's saving it for a special occasion... One where I do something absolutely off the Merlin 'irritation scale'. Like a level... Eleven or something."  
The knights all flinched at the thought, and Erec whistled softly.  
"Is there such a thing...?"  
Merlin grinned,  
"Try me..."  
"It may just occur today..."Gwaine said, still glaring at the raven haired idiot.  
"You really think it exists...?" Percival asked, looking terrified, ad Gwaine nodded, opening his mouth to speak again. Before he could, however, Erec spoke up.  
"Men, the flag is gone again..."  
Merlin rolled his eyes as he took it out from behind his back.  
"Yeah I took it whilst you were arguing, Prat"  
"When did you have time to do that?" Arthur asked, incredulous, and Merlin shrugged, raising an eyebrow.  
"Magic. I just... you know... badda-bing, badda boom and I was next to it. Then I picked it up and walked out the door. Just in time to see you fall over yourselves like the morons you are. But, you know what? I'm gonna be fair and say this doesn't count."  
A flick of his fingers and it vanished, followed by Erec calling over.  
"Oh, it's back."  
Arthur rolled his eyes.  
"Wow, that's such a surprise... So, Merlin. Where is the door?"  
"What door?"  
"The door to the tower that has been there since the castle was first built."  
"Ooh, long time then."  
"Merlin! Where. Is. The. Door?"  
"Funny you should ask that. Because I'm not quite sure... It wanted to go for a walk..."  
Arthur blinked,  
"What did you do? Doors don't just get up and go for a walk... Right?"  
Merlin shrugged,  
"All I know is that it decided to go for a walk, and did so, leaving a magical trail behind it."

Leon took a step back, his face falling, and he started blabbering.  
"No no... No, I can't go through it again! No! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"  
He turned to run, but Percival yanked him up, so his feet dangled in the air, and shook him.  
"Get a grip on yourself Leon! We have done it before. We can do it now. We'll get through this!"  
"NO! I suffered through Rosa! You don't know what that's like. I can't do this! I CANT DO THIS! LOOK AT HIM!" At this, he gestured to Merlin, who looked half concerned, half trying not to laugh.  
"HE'S DEADLY! HE'S VISCIOUS! LOOK AT THAT GRIN! IT'S EVIL! HES EVIL!" Leon's voice dropped to a whisper,  
"He wants us to follow the trail! It's all part of his plan... We will end up in Rosa's lair... or in the stables... or..." he gulped, "the chamber-pot washers rooms... Or... or" his voice got frantic, and everyone wasn't sure how to react to Camelot's greatest knight having a breakdown, at Merlin's expense. "Or..." Leon continued, now limp in Percival's hands and wringing his hands, "In the dressmakers stores... all that lace and ribbon and...pink..."  
Gwaine turned his shock to a glare,  
"Oi. There is nothing wrong with pink."  
Arthur sighed and slapped Leon across the face.  
"Get a grip! Merlin? What on earth did you do to Le-."  
He trailed off as he turned to see Merlin blasting at a hooded figure.  
The figure went flying into the wall and Merlin brushed off his sleeve, which was covered in dust.  
"Sorry. Evil bad guy shot a spell at you, but it hit Leon. Hang on..." He clicked his fingers and Leon seemed to come back to himself with a jerk.  
"What happened?"  
"Nothing at All..." Merlin said, smirking, then turned as Gwen ran into the hall.

**During the randomness...**  
Gwen and everyone else in the courtyard had had their eyes glued to the wall of the castle where Merlin had set up a spell so that everyone could follow his and the others actions. As one, the crowd had gasped and cheered as Merlin had done his acrobatics in the air, laughed at the other's failed attempt at a first round, and the resulting pile-on.  
Then they had rolled their eyes at the conversations about who had who on who's hit list, and then gasped as Merlin had fought the evil sorcerer, whilst the others were focused on Leon's breakdown.  
Then, as Gwen noticed the early signs of another banter-thon, she thought she had better step in and remind them of their actual objective.  
Hence her arrival on the scene.  
"Oi! You lot! Stop the arguing and get back to work. You've only had one round of the three, and Merlin didn't even have to try. Heck, he didn't even have to use magic. Now all of you shut up and get back to your training, or, so help me, you will regret it. Am I clear?"  
They had all took a step back at her rant, and Arthur nodded, hands up to placate her.  
"Of course, sweetie. We're getting right back to work."  
She raised a finger and wagged it.  
"Good. Because Merlin set it up so that we are all watching on the side of the castle. So I'll be keeping my eye on you..."

With that, she left, the others all staring after her, then rounding to have a go at Merlin only to find him gone. They ran back into the throne room, and, sure enough, Merlin was lounging back upon the balcony.  
"You heard her. Back to work."  
Arthur closed his eyes, then took a deep breath, before opening his eyes and snapping his head up.  
"Okay. Bedivere, Erec, Kay, Daniel, Tristan? Stay and keep an eye on the flag. Leon, Gwaine, Elyan and Percival, you're with me. Merlin has showed us how to follow a magical trace, and no doubt the idiot has made it patronisingly easy. And booby trapped the entire way. We go, find that door, put it back in its right place then go and get the other flag."  
Merlin widened his eyes marginally.  
"That's not a half bad idea Arthur... For those who are staying... Just remember, this is my vengeance for Neckie. And vengeance is going to be sweet..."  
Arthur nearly bolted at the look on Merlin's face, but instead steeled himself and walked out, the others he had ordered following hesitatingly, half expecting something to jump out and eat them.  
The others grabbed the flag, Bedivere holding it to his chest, and all had their swords drawn.  
No-one would take this flag.  
Merlin, seeing this, grinned and settled down. A quick spell and he had a view of Arthur and the others on the wall opposite him. A quick alteration on the other spell and the courtyard had a small view of him, but the main image was taken up with Arthur and the others.  
Merlin settled back, making himself comfortable.  
He was going to enjoy this.

_**Step Four, Repeat steps One to three.**_

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed, and next chapter will be up soon... Please R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

Capture the Flag Chapter 2

They all stood, glaring at the wall of blue light, the very suspicious wall of blue light, that blocked their way.  
They stood there for a good ten minutes before Arthur remembered that all of Camelot was watching him. Damn it, he hated Merlin.  
He sighed, then shook his head. Looking at his men, who were all whistling or wandering aimlessly- a good safe distance from the wall of light... namely the other end of the corridor- and sighed again. Merlin wouldn't do anything dangerous... Right...?  
He braced himself and walked through the wall.  
Nothing happened.  
Nothing happened.  
He felt like cheering. He was alive. And not a donkey or a toad or god knows what.  
Then he scowled. Merlin had likely done it for the joy of seeing them nervous for no reason. The idiot. He motioned for his men.  
Leon passed through without anything happening. As did Percival and Elyan. Then Gwaine passed through... And he didn't look any different. Not at all... but there was something.  
Gwaine froze, a feeling in his head that he hadn't felt in years. His head was... clear.  
A horrifying thought entered his head, and he blinked. No... Surely not... Merlin wasn't that... he couldn't have... Merlin wouldn't...  
He put a hand to his head, ad experimentally tapped his temple. Then he turned to Percival.  
"Nudge me..."  
"What do you-"  
"Just nudge me goddamn it!"Percival did so, and Gwaine, who normally fell over, regained his balance without a second's thought.  
His eyes widened and he started hyperventilating.  
"No... No... I can't be... No... He couldn't have..."  
Arthur looked at him, concerned.  
"Gwaine...? What's the matter?"  
"I'm gonna kill him. IM ACTUALLY GONNA KILL HIM. And you know what? I can think of millions of ways of doing it... MILLIONS!" he started muttering, his voice getting more fevered by the minute, before he fell to his knees. Arthur spoke up again.  
"Gwaine...?"  
"I'm sober Arthur..." Gwaine looked up, his voice pained, then cried out in anguish. "I'M SOBER!"  
Arthur took a step back as Gwaine screamed at the ceiling,  
"IM GONNA KILL YOU MERLIN! I swear when I get my hands on you, you're DEAD! YOU..." Gwaine seemed to puff up as he tried to think of an insult and Arthur leaned in, whispering in his ear.  
"The term I use is idiot... But there's twit, twerp, buffoon... Ooh, wart-hog faced baboon. But I call dibs on that one.  
Gwaine exploded.  
"YOU DASTARDLY, SMOOTH TONGUED, IRONY TWISTING, IDIOTIC, TWIT FACED, TWERPISH, THRICE DAMNED BUFFOON! AND I SAID THAT SOBER! TAKE THAT MERLIN!"  
Arthur blinked, impressed despite himself, and crouched down next to him.  
"It's okay Gwaine... It's okay. We will get you some ale."  
"P-promise...?"  
"I promise. Now, you just sit there, nice and calm and take deep breaths... Okay?"  
"Okay..."  
Arthur got up, and turned to the others.  
"Percival, help Gwaine."  
"Yes Sire." Percival didn't so much help as throw the other knight over his shoulder. "Shall we be off then?"

They walked for a few minutes, cautiously making their way up the corridor, until a wall of vines appeared as they rounded the corner. At their presence, it split to reveal a giant hole in the floor, stretching the entire width and length of the corridor... And had razor sharp spikes protruding from the bottom of it. There was no walkway, no steps, no nothing. Only vines dangling from the roof, the first of which was out of reach.  
Only someone completely crazy would attempt to-  
Gwaine spoke up.  
"Perce? Put me down."  
At the clear, determined edge in his voice, Percival did so, and Gwaine flexed his arms.  
"This," he said, swinging his arms in an arc to loosen his muscles, "Is what I can do sober."  
With a war cry, he hurled himself at the edge and leapt.  
Time seemed to freeze as he jumped, probably for Merlin's enjoyment, and he flew through the air, his hand connecting with a vine.  
But he didn't stop there. He executed a double flip, pushing off from the vine, and caught the next one in line. He then clambered up it and leapt for the next one, just grasping it, before launching himself into a backwards roll through the air and landing with his feet squarely on a small platform that had just appeared.  
He barely stopped for a breath as he crouched and lunged again, grabbing two vines, one in each hand, and propelled himself through the air, his feet grasping another vine and flinging him forward to grab another with his left hand, his right pulling out his sword and slashing at some ivy that decided to attack him.  
Apparently, Merlin thought Gwaine was having it too easy.  
Gwaine grabbed another vine, having sent shreds of ivy trailing to the floor, and used it to swing around a huge post that had appeared, blocking his way. He wrapped the vine around it once, twice, then a third time before flinging himself into the air, doing a perfectly executed triple flip and somersault, before landing in a crouch, securely on the other side of the pit.  
After a moment, he cricked his neck and got to his feet, sheathing his sword again, and turned to the others.  
"And that, my friends, is how you get across a giant, spike filled pit."  
They all stood there, staring, for a few seconds, until Elyan spoke up.  
"Wow."  
Then Gwaine sauntered, yes sauntered, across to the small button on the wall and jabbed it in.  
Immediately, a series of thin wooden beams shot out from either side of the wall and made a criss-cross pattern.  
Obviously a walkway... of sorts.  
Arthur, cursing Merlin, cautiously took a few tentative steps, and, realising the beams were firm, beckoned to the others.  
"Come on guys."  
Together, the four of them made their way across, slowly so as to keep their balance.  
Gwaine, on the other hand, had given a whoop at the sight of the 'climbing frame' and was currently doing back flips, front flips, somersaults, loop the loops and god knows what on the beams. Arthur couldn't help but admire his movements as Gwaine grabbed a vine, spun around, span downwards, grasped a beam and swung around it, throwing himself into the air where his feet caught another vine. He then dropped, landing on his hands, onto another beam before going into a back-flip, landing on another beam and somersaulting across another four, landing first on his hands, then on his feet and launching himself off again... hands... feet... hands... feet... vine... back-flip... hands...  
Yes, Arthur was impressed. Very impressed. And Jealous. Very jealous. And confused. Seriously confused. How the hell was Gwaine able to do all of that?

The people in the courtyard, all astounded by their resident drunken knight's antics were likewise confused, and very keen to find out just how the hell Gwaine... Yes, _Gwaine_, could have done what he did. Bets were now being made on the individual knights as well as the overall winning team, and Gwaine's odds had now risen to an all time high.  
Gwen, knowing something of how Gwaine could do it, was grinning to herself as she placed bets on Merlin, with the 100 to 1 odds that the knights would win now having gone down to 98 to 1. Trust Merlin to do something like this...

Merlin, safely sat staring at the exploits of his opponents, had no such confusion. Gwaine had once related to him a story of when he lived in the woods, and had long since wanted to see these 'squirrel skills'. Hence the vines and what not. Complicated spell, but worth every second.  
They may even have a chance, now that Gwaine was sober.  
Well. He couldn't have that now, could he? Grinning, he set his sights on Leon.

The men, having made their way across and having had all of their questions swept aside by Gwaine, who was keen to get to the Tavern and was now shoving them all forward, were cautiously making their way forwards, when they came across another wall.  
They got the idea, and they all looked amongst themselves. Who was next?  
Taking a deep breath, they all stepped through, and all flinched slightly.  
Arthur, eyes closed, stood still for a few seconds and, when no cries or bangs were heard, he opened them to see everyone staring at each other and looking completely normal.  
"Okay..." he said, slowly, "Anyone feeling different?"  
They all shook their heads and Gwaine cursed.  
"And I'm still sober. Damn that pesky little, vengeance seeking pest. I mean, what did _I_ do?"  
Arthur sighed.  
"I believe that being a knight is enough. Okay, so... what has the idiot got in store for us next?"  
They rounded the corner and Leon nodded to it.  
"That, I believe Sire."  
In front of their eyes was a very large wall. Spanning the entire width of the corridor and with less than a metres gap at the top... covered in sharp thorns.  
Arthur cursed.  
"And how the hell are we supposed to get over that?" They all turned to Leon, "Come on Lee, you're always the man with the plan...?"  
Leon froze, then took a step back.  
"Why are you... I can't... Why are you putting all this pressure on me!? I can't think! Merlin took away my think stuff... my plan stuff... HE STOLE MY THINK STUFFS! IT'S GONE!"  
Leon started head-butting Percival's chest, and they all looked at him as he punctuated each blow with an outburst.  
"Bloody stupid... neckerchief wearing... smart assed... thinking stealer... ouch... head hurts... I should... stop now... someone stop me... LIKE NOW!"  
Arthur sighed as small cracks appeared in the wall, just big enough to be hand holds.  
Whilst Percival calmed Leon down, he looked up at the placement of the cracks and cracked his knuckles.  
Right. Okay then. Climb the wall... Not so hard right?  
Then it started shaking.  
"Okay men. Now we know just what that wall did, as in taking away Leon's... common sense? We can proceed. Leon, do you reckon you can climb this?"  
"Yes... Maybe... But it's so tall... And planning a route to the top would take a – OUCH! MY HEAD! MERLIN I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!"  
With that, he marched over to the wall and lay a hand on it.  
Immediately, bunches of sharp thorns jutted out all over the rock face, and Arthur sighed.  
Great.  
Gwaine, on the other hand, was still sober. And, as such, had a larger mental capacity than normal. That's why, as the others were planning the best way to get to the top, he noticed a door jutting out from one side of the wall. Heading over, he placed a hand against it and pushed, revealing a room on the other side. He squeezed through and opened the other of the double doors, and poked his head out, revealing the other side of the wall and an empty corridor.  
Hmm. This would make life easier...  
He head back to where the others had been, only to find them already climbing.  
"Erm... guys?"  
"Not now Gwaine. Just shut up."  
Gwaine opened his mouth to speak again, then closed it.  
Nah.

He went back through the room, grabbing an apple as he did so, and sat against the wall munching on it, waiting for the others to appear.  
Their cries and curses were rather amusing, as was the length of time they were taking to climb, and Gwaine had popped back into the room to grab another apple before they appeared over the top.  
They all had scratches and scrapes as they cleared a seating space in the thorns, and then Elyan spotted Gwaine.  
"What the..."  
Then the others caught sight of his smug, grinning face, and a variety of curses rang out.  
Then Gwaine called up.  
"Oh, guys? I found a door that opened past the wall. The room had apples!" He held up his half eaten apple and grinned.  
Elyan sighed.  
"You aren't getting drunk on apples, are you Gwaine...?"  
"Elyan," Arthur butt in, before Gwaine could ask if it was actually possible, "This is not the time to be worrying about Gwaine getting drunk. How the hell do we get down from here?"  
Elyan was saved answering as a loud pinging noise echoed down the corridor and a slide slid out of the wall. They all grinned, relieved, but before they could do anything, the slide slid back in with a loud pop. Then out again, then in. It went on. Ping... Pop... Ping... Pop.  
Arthur scowled as he called down to Gwaine.  
"Gwaine? What the hell have you-"  
"It ain't me princess... check Sir 'I have no common sense'"  
They all looked at Leon, who had a look of intense concentration on his face as he repeatedly pressed a huge stone jutting from the wall. Each push resulted in the slide moving, and Leon turned as he realised they were looking at him.  
"Look guys... It makes a funny sound. D'you reckon that's important?"  
He pressed it again and the slide pinged out, causing the others to cry out for him to stop. He did so, then caught sight of the slide.  
"Ooh... Slide..." Before anyone could stop him, he leapt down it with a loud whoop.  
For a few seconds, all they could hear was whooping, then they heard a thud and a groan.  
"Leon?" Arthur called, worried, and his voice trailed up to them.  
"I'm good... I think the impact from this rubber, bouncy wall knocked some sense back into me."  
"Right..."  
With a 'here goes nothing' look at the others, Arthur jumped onto the slide and bounced off of the rubber wall at the bottom, landing in a heap next to Leon.  
Percival and Elyan soon followed, and they were all soon stood next to Gwaine.  
Gwaine gave them all a look, then asked, seriously,  
"So... _Can_ you get drunk off of apples?"

The conversation about getting drunk off of apples continued until they reached the next energy field, where Gwaine finally cut off, in the faint hope that he would get back the 'good ol' buzz' that he was used to.  
Arthur blinked, then turned to his men with a 'oh what the hell' look on his face. With a war cry, they all ran through the shield before stumbling to a halt.  
Aside from Percival.  
Who kept running.  
And running and running and "YEOW!" right into the wall.  
The others all just looked at him, until Leon spoke up.  
"Perce? Ever heard of the word stop?"  
"Err... Um... Percy no like stop. Perce like to smash. Perce try to smash wall, but wall to strong. Wall hurt Percy. Percy not like wall..."  
Elyan snorted, finding the whole thing rather amusing.  
"I guess we know who was affected this time..."  
Gwaine blinked, eyeing them all with over-the-top confusion.  
"Really? All I see is a princess, Sir 'I art holier than thou' killjoy, Sir timid and Mr All brawn no brain. I see no difference."  
Arthur, suddenly missing Merlin and the opportunities for venting frustration that he offered, clouted Gwaine across the back of the head, before catching sight of a piece of parchment and a stack of pipes.  
He ripped the parchment from the wall, as Gwaine was moaning about how he had no idea how Merlin put up with being hit so hard all the time by a foot-fisted princess with anger management issues, and scanned it through before sighing and passing it to Leon.  
"Leon? This is one for you I think..."

Five minutes later, and they were all stood at varying intervals around the room, holding pipes and trying to transport water from one side of the room to the other in order to fill up a tube enough to get a key out.  
Arthur wasn't going to question how a metal key was floating.  
His head was hurting enough as it was.  
Gwaine, on the other hand, as he was lounging against the wall catching the drips from the wall, was writing a diary entry into his head.  
"And that, dear diary, is how we found ourselves stood like idiots, transporting water around the room with pipes... And I have to commend Merlin. How does he come up with these things?"  
A firey message appeared on the wall and they all rolled their eyes as they read it.  
_**Cheers Gwaine...Had to do something whilst lying still after saving the royal prat's ass once again... Hey Perce, you thirsty?  
**_The message faded away and they all turned to see Percival drinking the water from the Pipes, not a single drop having made it into the tube.  
Elyan scowled and threw the pipe he was holding to the floor.  
"Damn it Percy, how the hell are we meant to open the door if you keep-"  
"Door?" Percy scratched his head, befuddled, then stared at the door. "Hmm... Door connected to wall. Wall and door must be friends. Wall hurt Percy, so Percy hurt DOOR!"  
With that, the huge knight kicked at the door. At first, nothing seemed to happen, then, slowly, the door tilted back and fell with a clatter to the floor, revealing the next corridor.  
The rest of them shared looks, and sighed.  
Why didn't they think of that?_**  
**_Then Percival blinked a few times, and looked at them, clearly now back to his usual self. It only took him a few seconds to realise what had happened, then he raised an eyebrow, gesturing to something in the far corner of the room.  
"Why didn't you guys use the bucket?"  
Arthur blinked.  
"Percival?"  
"Sire?"  
"Keep walking. Just keep walking."

They managed to get an entire two corridors away before they encountered the next obstacle in their way.  
Said obstacle being a sphinx.  
At the sight of the huge creature, Arthur gave a sigh. Ignoring the fact that he had no idea how Merlin had managed to get a sphinx into Camelot, there was the more pressing concern that he-and all of his men as far as he knew-were useless with riddles. Leon was more of a strategist, Percival was the Brawn, Gwaine was... well, a drunk and Elyan... Hmm, What _was _Elyan?  
The sphinx looked at them, then opened its mouth.  
"You wish to pass? Then riddle me this... What walks on four legs in the-"  
"Oh, please! Not the damned 'man' riddle? Honestly."  
They all turned to stare, incredulous, at Elyan, who was rolling his eyes.  
"Elyan?"  
"Well, sorry Sire, but the riddle is just so obvious. No challenge at all."  
The sphinx twitched and purred-yes purred-in delight.  
"Aha, a worthy adversary... Very well then, Riddle me this. What goes around the Castle, and in the castle but never touches the castle?"  
Arthur looked around to see Leon, Percival and Gwaine looking completely clueless, but Elyan had a huge grin on his face.  
"Ooh, an actual challenge. About time. The illiterate fools I work with have no concept of eloquent speech. Hmm, let me see... Goes around... in the castle... never touches... Hmm... Is it the sun?"  
The sphinx gave a very specifically feminine laugh, and nodded.  
"It is so, young knight. One of your number may pass... And may I recommend that it be the royal pain in the ass?"  
Arthur scooted past her, giving her a wide berth, then she turned to Elyan again.  
"You solved my puzzle, so good for you. Now it's time to begin round two. _What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a thousand years."_  
"Oh, very nice. Most likely a play on words... Or the grammer in the riddle... hmm, let me see... Once in a minute... twice... moment... never... Min... moment... The letter M?"  
"It is so, young riddler, another may pass by. Maybe the one with... pigs in his eyes...?"  
Gwaine sauntered past, actually thinking about Doris, and the sphinx turned back to Elyan.  
"He may be a knight, but strange is he. Ah well, now's the time to begin round three... _I am the beginning of sorrow, and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me, yet I am in the midst of crosses. I am always in risk, yet never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am never out of darkness._"  
Elyan rolled his eyes.  
"Haven't we already had a letter? Honestly, with the layout and assonance in the grammatical scheme of things, it would have to be a letter. I'm assuming S?"  
The sphinx gave a- was that a delighted... giggle?- as she gestured for someone else to pass.  
"Very good young knight, indeed it is a letter, now I think my riddling needs to get better."  
Leon swiftly sidled past, to join the others who were watching Elyan with complete bemusement, as Elyan grinned.  
"Try me."  
"_There are four brothers in this world that were all born together. The first__ runs and never wearies. The second eats and is never full. The third drinks and is always thirsty. The fourth sings a song that is never good._"  
Elyan blinked, then hmmed, sinking to sit, cross-legged, on the floor, fingerstips together as he riddled it through.  
"Hmm... Let me think... Let me... think..."  
He thought for quite some time apparently, seeing as he barely moved for almost five minutes, at which point Arthur cleared his throat.  
"Uhum, Elyan? Can you please hurry up and get the aswer?"  
Elyan blinked, then seemed to come back to the moment.  
"Oh, sorry Sire. I had the answer ages ago, it's the elements. You know Earth, fire, water and air and such."  
"Then... why have you been sat there like that for so long?" Leon asked, as Percival swiftly sidled past the sphinx, and Elyan shrugged.  
"Just wondering whether the sphinx would like a red or a pink rose... No, scratch that, I'll get both in a huge bouquet!"  
Arthur blinked as Elyan gave the sphinx a love struck daze, which, surprisingly in his opinion, the sphinx seemed to return, before Elyan spoke up.  
"You really are something..."  
"And what could that be? Will you riddle it me?"  
Elyan grinned.  
"When one does not know what it is, then it is something. But when one knows what it is, then it is nothing..."  
"You're calling me a riddle?"  
"Indeed... Nothing more... Except pretty..."  
Elyan seemed enraptured by the slight sparkle that the sphinx was giving off, and ignored the others.  
Arthur looked between them, then to the rest of his knights, then between them again, then threw up his hands in exasperation.  
"So Gwaine gets a pig and Elyan gets a sphinx. Whatever. Elyan? Just take the day off. Then I may have some knights left at the end of the day..."  
Elyan didn't seem to be paying any attention as he started asking the sphinx riddles, which she was swift to respond with, and the others simply stared before heading out again.  
"What is it that you will break even as you name it?"  
The sphinx gave a small laugh as she answered.  
"As opposed to music and a sound compilance, I believe the answer to be silence."

As they left, Gwaine went back to speaking out a diary entry.  
"And so, dear diary, the five us went down to four, as Elyan left to riddle out riddles, though I cannot seem to riddle out why he would prefer to riddle with the master of riddlers-"  
"GWAINE!"  
"Sorry princess... But-"  
Gwaine was cut off as they rounded the corner, and stood with a gaping mouth as he took in the wide open space before them.  
It was a forest... A sparkly forest... A sparkly forest with...  
He gave a gasp and jumped with glee as he spotted a shiny white horn.  
Fortunately, the others managed to grab him before he could go running after unicorns in the forest, that seemed to take up a hall that had most certainly never been there before.  
Then Gwaine caught sight of something else and the others couldn't hold him back as he stomped on their feet, bit their hands and pulled their hair to get free, all the time shouting a name that none of them had ever wanted to hear again.  
"DORIS!"

* * *

**That's right, DORIS IS BACK! (If you don't know, she is a non-existent flying pig that Gwaine married in the preqeul to this, 'This Means War')**  
**Anyways, please R&R and let me know what you think! Did you like anything in particular? Anything you didn't like? Anything have you laughing like mad?**  
**Even if it's just to give me a LOL!**  
**Anyway, next chapter should be up soon!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, I'm really sorry for the delay in updates, but exams and feeling ill and haitus and revision and GAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! and all…  
Hope you enjoy the chapter enough to make up for it!  
And I know its rather...-Shall we say OOC? Yes, let's go with that- this chapter, but I was completely blank... This was honestly the only drivel that my muse would let out f my head... But I hope you enjoy all the same!**

* * *

"Doris?"  
"The pig?"  
"She isn't just a pig. She's my pig... it's not her fault her family was cursed to be pigs during the day."  
"Gwaine... she is not real..."  
"Is too." He stomped his foot, crossing his arms in a huff and pouting.  
"Gwaine..." Arthur started pacing trying to figure it through. "Okay, so you're saying that you fell in love with an invisible, flying pig. But the pig wasn't just an invisible flying pig, Oh no, it was an enchanted woman who became a pig during the day. Did I miss anything?"  
Gwaine thought for a moment.  
"Nope, I think that's it. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to find her."  
With that, he skipped into the forest, whistling and singing something about someone called Old King Cole being a merry old soul...  
Arthur frowned. King Cole? Maybe his history wasn't up to scratch... But that could wait.  
"Gwaine! Get back here!"  
He sighed as he started running after the knight, followed by the rest of his men.  
A few minutes they stumbled to a halt as they came across a terrifying sight. Gwaine was nowhere to be seen, but in his place was a very familiar warlock. A very familiar _grinning_ warlock.  
Surrounded by flying neckerchiefs that seemed to be folded in such a way as they pointed directly at them with little wings.  
When Arthur was asked of this moment, many years later, he would say that it was one of the single most terrifying scenes he had ever witnessed, and the small smirk Merlin had given just made it that much worse.  
"M-Merlin? Are those neckerchiefs…"  
"Alive? Why yes Sire. I suppose in a way they are…"  
"And… they…"  
"They were under the command of Neckie, the very neckerchief you destroyed!"  
Arthur glanced around at the rest of his men, who were all scanning for somewhere to run to, and gulped.  
"Do neckerchiefs have a tendency for revenge?"  
Merlin smirked.  
"Yes. Yes they do…"  
"So…"  
"Yes, Arthur, that's right. They want vengeance for their fallen brother in arms! For their commander in chief! And now, let me introduce you to your DOOM! Say hello to ...Boris! Baris! Balin! Calin! Dalis, Dalia, Dianne, Daniel, Egalia, Edgar, Frederick, Freddie, Fred, Gertrude, Gareth, Gloria, Henry, Henrietta, Horace, Ian, Indigo, Ivy and Jasper!... This is where I got bored of the alphabet and rhyme schemes, so went original. Anyway, Chiefie, you have already met. But then there is Rouge, Bleu-"  
"You named them after their colours in French?"  
"Yes, now shut up…. And Pamplemousse, Because it's funny to say. Pamplemousse… pamplmou- Anyway, moving on, there is also Lenny, Kenny, Benny, Denny, Wrenny, Len, Ken, Ben, Den, Wren, Sven- No I don't know either, but it sounded funny when I read it- Sorry Sven. Anyway, then there is Daisy, Rose, Tulip, Gardenia- who is courting Gareth over there- Sophia, Stephan, Steven and Neckie Jr."  
"Neckie... Jr? Do I even want to now?"  
This was Gwaine, who had just walked onto the scene, looking very happy.  
"Gwaine! That's horrible! They adopted! Gods there is something wrong with you... And that is not all! There is also-"  
"Merlin?"  
"Yes Leon?"  
"I don't mean to be rude, but first of all, those are some fairly ridiculous names. Second of all, I really don't want to know why they are alive and why they have names, and third? We really don't care."  
Merlin gave him an indignant look, then grinned evilly.  
"Very well then. NC's! Prepare for battle! First wave, ATTACK!"

Arthur dived as the first wave of red and blue attacked them, diving at them and jabbing at them. For pieces of cloth, they sure could be sharp.  
Percival, of course, was the most obvious target for the deadly scraps of fabric, and he was soon buried beneath a pile of cloth that he could not, no matter how much he flailed about, escape.  
"Second wave!" Arthur's heart sank as he heard those words. "ATTACK!"  
More neckerchiefs attacked, and the next few minutes were filled with catching the damned things and knotting them together.  
Then Merlin sighed.  
"You think you're being smart, Pratdragon? Very well… Let's see how you do against my third and-second to final-wave… Combat NC's! Rambo style!"  
"Rambo style-?"  
"Honestly Arthur, are you going to question everything?"  
"Well, I-"  
"Sire!" Leon cried, and pointed a shaky finger to the trees. It took a few moments for Arthur pick out what he was pointing at, but when he did, he had to fight hard to not groan.  
Several neckerchiefs, dyed in various shades of green so that they blended with the forest, were leaping onto head high branches, and Merlin gave an evil smile, as he started to vanish.  
"Say hello, to my little friends!" he said, before vanishing completely. Then his head popped back.  
"Oh, and after you've got through this, just head that-a-way." His hand appeared, pointing in the direction he was talking about, and he grinned. "Now, let's go see what the others are doing to protect this flag of yours…"  
All of them froze at that, and Arthur pulled himself up to his full height.  
"Men, we have no choice. We must defeat this enemy, and get Merlin's flag! For our comrades!"  
of course, those were brave words, and they did nothing against the rambo-chiefs.  
_

Merlin appeared in the hall, and the others all jumped at the sight of him, shuffling around to shield Bedivere, who was holding the flag.  
Merlin grinned at them, and started to casually pace in a circle around them.  
"So… Arthur left you in charge of the flag…"  
Tristan nodded.  
"Yes…"  
"Huh… Well, you are having an easier job of it than them…" He grinned. "But don't worry. If they can get past the obstacles I've set for them, you can have this round. I'm not completely unfair you know… Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not going to try and get the flag anyway…"  
They all gulped, and Merlin grinned as he vanished.  
"Now then, let's see what this invisibility spell can do…"  
_

Arthur took in a deep, relieved breath, as they finally knotted together the last two neckerchiefs, after over ten minutes of battling them, and he gestured to the other knights that they should get moving. Before they ran into Merlin's final neckerchief battalion.  
Gwaine, however, head off in the opposite direction to where Merlin had pointed, and Arthur pulled him back.  
"Where are you going?"  
"To get Doris!"  
"… Oh what the hell. Let's go."

But it wasn't that easy. They walked for a few minutes, until they found themselves surrounded by multi-coloured birds who were perched in the trees. They slowly came to a halt, and Arthur turned to Percival.  
"You recognise the birds?"  
One of the birds squawked and repeated his speech.  
"Your recognise the birds…" It squawked, and Arthur glared at it.  
"Is the bird parroting-"  
"Is the bird parroting-" Squawk!  
"Okay, this is going to-"  
"Okay, this is going to-" Squawk!  
"Get annoying!"  
"Get annoying!" Squaaawk.  
Leon held out a hand to stop Arthur from getting into a verbal argument with the bird, and gestured to the path.  
"We should continue."  
Another bird spoke up.  
Squawk! "We should continue!" Squaaawk!  
Leon took a deep breath, but did not rise to the bait.  
Instead, he mumbled something about Merlin going to be paying for this, and they all started walking.  
Of course, the birds decided to follow, one of them mimicking Leon.  
Squawk! "Mumble, mumble, mumble-wumble…" Squaaawk!  
Eventually, it was Percival who cracked.  
"Goddamn it! MERLIN I SWEAR WHEN I GET AHOLD OF YOU I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU SCRAWNY BLOODY GIT!"

Arthur and Gwaine both blinked.  
"Well, that was completely out of character…" Gwaine said, and groaned as the birds started their chorus again.  
"Scrawny Git! Squaaawk! Scrawny Git!"  
"Merlin I swear… Merlin I swear…"  
"Goddamn it… Goddamn it… Squaawk!"  
"OOC, OOC… Squawk! OOC!"  
Arthur sighed.  
"Great. Now they've evolved to turn our speech into shorthand…"  
"Short Hand… Squaawk!"  
"Damn you Merlin!"  
"Damn you… squaaawk… damn you…"  
Then another bird spoke up, landing on Gwaine shoulder and pecking his ear.  
"Polly wanna cracker… squaaawk, Polly wanna a craaaacker."  
Gwaine blinked, grabbing a small cracker-which he had in his pocket for some unknown reason- and holding it out to the bird.  
"Polly be quiet, and Polly can have cracker!"  
"Polly wanna cracker…"  
"Polly shut up, or no cracker…"  
"Squaaawk…"  
"Polly no squawky!"  
Arthur stared at him, bemused.  
"Gwaine? Are you… Bargaining with slash blackmailing a bird?"  
"Why yes Sire. Yes I am."  
"… Good idea. Continue."  
Gwaine grinned, then fixed the bird with a serious stare.  
"Polly and friends be quiet, and Polly can have cracker… Will Polly be quiet?"  
"Squaaawk… Polly be quiet. Polly want cracker!"  
"Here."  
Gwaine gave the bird the cracker, and suddenly the entire clearing went silent.  
"Err… Gwaine?" Leon asked, staring at the squinting birds, who were eying them all with piercing looks, "Do you have any more crackers?"  
"A few… "  
He counted them.  
"I have seven. There are twenty birds though… How do we split seven into twenty?!"  
They spent a few minutes puzzling this through, until Percival had finally had enough of laughing silently at their serious, contemplative faces, and spoke up.  
"Split each cracker into three, then keep the twenty first one. Or, even better, make them fight for it…"  
He gave a very uncharacteristically evil grin, and Arthur raised an eyebrow.  
"Perce? Ya feelin' okay?"  
"Most assuredly Sire."  
"… Okay then."

Ten minutes later, and Arthur, having run with the rest of his knights away from the birds, finally slid to a halt and blinked.  
"Hang on just one second."  
The rest of them, blinking, likewise stopped, and Arthur glared at the air.  
"We, the best knights in the realm of Camelot and it's surrounding lands, are running from some birds? Is this seriously happening!?"  
"Apparently Sire-"  
"Shut it Gwaine! I'm thinking..."  
Apparently, he finally finished thinking, and clapped his hands for attention. Not that he needed to, because there was nothing more amusing for the knights to do than to watch the varying emotions on the kings face.  
"Okay men. We are going to follow in the direction Merlin pointed-"  
_Well duh..._  
"We are going to battle anything we come across-"  
_Again, well duh...  
_"And we are going to get the flag."  
And yet again, duh. What did he think they were doing this for? The fun of it? Honestly...  
Gwaine shook his head and gave Arthur a patronising pat on the shoulder.  
"Don't worry Princess, we'll get you some help."  
"What are you on about now, Gwaine?"  
"... Nothing Princess. Let's move out."  
"Hey, I give the orders..." He was silent for a few moments, then gestured to the direction Gwaine had been walking to. "Let's move out."

It was a further hour before they finally reached the end of the forest. They would have done so sooner, if it wasn't for the river they had to swim across, the waterfall they had to abseil down-with a rope made from their cloaks-, the unicorn Gwaine caught and rode around a clearing -which promptly bucked him off and necessitated the others to spend five minutes disentangling him from a heap of branches and vines-, the tavern mirage which had Gwaine and, to their utter shock, Percival , legging it head first into a tree and, possibly worst of all, the mouse that sat and stared at them. Seriously, it just followed them. Its little beady eyes never left them and it was just plain creepy. Like seriously creepy...  
All in all, it was a group of hungry, thirsty, tired, fed-up, dirty and bruise littered knights, who were all hovering on the brink of insanity-aside from Gwaine of course, who was still happily dancing with several sparkly butterflies- and wanted nothing more than to sleep.  
But that would mean letting Merlin win.  
With that thought in mind, they all trudged on, and finally came across a very familiar looking wooden door. They all gave the door suspicious looks, most likely wondering why it had attached itself to the wall, before Leon spoke up.  
"You reckon it still leads to the top of the tower?"  
Arthur shrugged.  
"Only one way to find out." He started forward, but Leon stopped him.  
"No sire, Camelot needs you. I'll go..."  
"You are a brave man, Sir Leon."  
Leon stepped forward, and slowly inched the door open.  
"Stairs Sire. I'm going up..."  
He head up the staircase, and it was all silent for several moments, until they all heard a cheerful whoop.  
"Its the balcony Sire! And there is another door that leads down to the kitchens!"  
The others all shared looks and, as one, legged it up the staircase.  
Leon had grabbed the flag, which was harmlessly propped against a wall, and they all ran down the other staircase, tumbling over each other into the kitchens.  
They immediately leapt up, and raced into the throne room.  
_

Arthur gasped as he threw the flag down in their base, and sank into his chair, before he caught sight of the other half of their team.  
"Bedivere…?"  
The knight was rocking backwards and forwards one hand gripping the flag, and the other stroking a white rabbit. The others were all slumped against the wall, giggling at nothing, and Arthur head over to Bedivere, reaching out to the flag but as he touched it, Bedivere jumped up, grabbing the rabbit as he did so.  
"No! My Flag!"  
"Okay, Bed? Its Arthur… Okay, now come on… It's okay, give me the flag…"  
"No! You could be him!"  
"It's okay, I'm not Merlin…"  
"Prove it!"  
Arthur leaned in, and, in a furtive whisper, gave him a password they had previously agreed upon.  
"JackRabbit."  
Bedivere lost some of his tension, and very slowly released his grip on the flag.  
"O-Okay… He's gone?"  
"Yes. We beat him…"  
"There were rainbows Arthur… Rainbows and unicorns and then the rabbits came and they were an army and they were pink and they bounced and they were so cute and funny and it was great and then not so great because we couldn't stop giggling and then they left but I grabbed one and it's all mine! Mine!"  
Arthur blinked at the tirade, and reached for the rabbit, but Bedivere hunched over it, stroking it.  
"No! You can't have it! It's mine! My own! My love! My _Precious_!"  
Arthur span as he heard a sigh, and saw Merlin shaking his head.  
"Greatest knights in the land and they were beaten by a few rabbits."  
"Merlin, just fix it."  
"But what If they want to stay in the imaginary land I created full of unicorns and-"  
"Merlin!"

Merlin sighed, but threw a golden orb into the air, where it exploded into a wave and encompassed the giggling men, all of whom stopped and blinked, looking around.  
Tristan frowned, getting to his feet.  
"Sire, what are we-" he blinked as he caught sight of Merlin, and shoved Arthur backwards. "Careful Sire! He sent us to the land of rainbow ponies!"  
Gwaine blinked.  
"Rainbow Ponies? Can I-"  
"No!"  
"No way!"  
Arthur and Merlin spoke in unison, and rolled their eyes.  
The Merlin rubbed his hands together.  
"So… Tiebreaker round?" Then he caught sight of Bedivere, and sighed. "Give me a sec…"  
He said a quick spell, and Bedivere blinked, getting to his feet, but still holding the rabbit.  
"Hey, what happened?"  
Merlin grinned.  
"You named the rabbit twinkle toes remember?"  
Bedivere blinked, then gave the rabbit a subconscious scratch behind the ears.  
"Ah yes… Now I remember. Hey, Can I keep the rabbit?"  
Merlin raised an eyebrow, and Arthur butt in.  
"I'm not sure that that is such a good-"  
"B-But… But she…" His bottom lip began to quiver, and Merlin hastily intervened.  
"It's okay. You can keep the rabbit. Honestly Arthur, how dare you try to take a man's rabbit from him!?"  
Arthur simply sighed, shaking his head.  
"Yeah. Whatever. Let's just get this over with…"

But Merlin just grinned at him.  
"Why Arthur, whoever said I was going to get involved this time? I'm going to make it simple. If you can get the flag-after getting past only one obstacle- then you win. Simple as that."  
The others shared looks, then looked to the '_just the right amount of innocence' _filled look on Merlin's face, then back to each other, then all to Arthur, who gulped under the pressure. And who subsequently cleared his head. He was the king damnit!  
"Challenge accepted!"  
"I was hoping you would say that."  
Most of the knights took subconscious steps back, and Merlin grinned as he pointed to the doorway.  
"There's your flag."

The flag was being held by a young girl, who couldn't have been older than six, and who was playing with it.  
Arthur glared at Merlin.  
"It appears we underestimated how low you can stoop Merlin..."  
Merlin grinned.  
"Why thank you. But this one is on Gwen. I told her to come up with an obstacle for you guys."  
Arthur didn't reply, and instead gestured the knights forward.  
It took only a matter of seconds for several of them to break ranks once they cautiously approached the- completely normal- little girl, and run back, whimpering about not being able to deal with children.  
Gwaine was the last to break, and only then after the little girl stuck a trembling lip out as though she was about to cry.  
Which led to Gwaine hiding behind Merlin and telling him to make the horror stop.  
"Gwaine, it's only a little girl!"  
"B-but she... she almost cried... Crying Merlin! I can't take it!"  
Merlin grinned, patting him on the back.  
"Go on Arthur. You're turn..."  
Arthur glared at him, then cautiously inched his way forward, quietly speaking to the child when he reached her.  
"Hey, Can I have the flag for a moment?"  
"B-but it's my friend..."  
Arthur fought to avoid face-palming himself. He was pretty sure he never had imaginary friends. Well, aside from... But let's not go into that.  
"Well, will you let your friend help us win a game were playing? You like games don't you?"  
"B-But..." she stuck her bottom lip out, making it tremble, and tears formed in her eyes. Arthur fell over backwards, scooting back, before getting to his feet and running.  
"She's going to blow!"  
The knights all ran to the far side of the room, hiding behind the throne, and Merlin looked at them in sheer disbelief.  
"Err... guys? You've defeated countless threats, but you can't handle a kid?"  
"You try then if you're so good with children!"  
Merlin gave them a tutting shake of the head and sauntered over.  
"Hey Kiddo, you okay?"  
"Mhm... Those people are silly"  
"Tell me about it... Hey, wanna see some magic?"  
She nodded, and Merlin grinned, making bubbles explode from his hand.  
Of course, the girl ran after them, giggling, and he picked up the flag, twirling it with a grin.  
"Well, that was difficult."  
The knights looked at him in something which looked like a cross between awe and shock, and Merlin frowned.  
"What?"

* * *

**So, just the epilogue to go now... But it will be set a few months later.  
Which means I will probably be leaving a few loopholes in the story. If there is anything I miss, and you want to know, then just leave me a review and I will respond :D**


	4. Epilogue

**Three months later...**

Merlin grinned as he and Arthur positioned a bucket of iced water just right, and, on the count of three, let the contents fall onto the head of the unsuspecting Gwaine.  
"MERLIN! PRINCESS! DON'T MAKE THIS A PRANK WAR!"  
"Bring it Gwaine!"  
"Oh, that was mature Arthur. What if I went and joined his team?"  
"Nah, you'd play both sides against the middle. That way you would never lose."  
"... You're gracing me with that much intelligence?"  
"Don't let it go to your head- Oh, sorry, what was that Gwaine?"  
"I said, you just got Doris wet as well!"  
Merlin gulped.  
"Drat... You just wait till nightfall. She'll hog-tie you with your own cloak..."  
"Why just me!?  
"I have magic. And I don't have a cloak."  
"... I hate you sometimes."  
"I know. Oh, looks like Gwaine's making the Prank War official. Better go round up some recruits."  
Arthur sped off, and Merlin grinned before hopping over the wall, using his magic to land-very gracefully if he did say so himself- and high-fived Gwaine.  
"Worked like a dream."  
Gwaine laughed.  
"Yeah, this should liven things up."  
"Yep. Oh, sorry for getting you wet Doris..."  
The invisible flying pig, who Merlin was barely able to see, shrugged and fluttered her wings with an evil smirk.  
Merlin cringed for Arthur's sake.  
Pretty lady, but she had a hell of a vengeance streak... and the abilities to match.  
He didn't envy the king...  
"So Gwaine, what's first?"  
"Okay, I need a ladder, some rope and a bucket."  
Merlin conjured some from thin air and gave a snappy salute.  
"Check."  
"Excellent... Hey! Bedivere! Elyan!"  
The two knights strode over, as Merlin went to shrink there stuff, and Gwaine grinned.  
"Prank war between me and the Princess. Bed, I'm going to need to borrow Twinkle Toes. That rabbit is a criminal genius, especially since Merlin gave it a voice. And Elyan? I'm going to need your help, so can you tell Scarlya that you'll be back late? As in next week late? Unless we're caught and spend the next month in the dungeons?"  
Elyan nodded.  
"Sure thing. Gives her more time to come up with Riddles anyway. Man, she's one hell of a-"  
"Yeah, we know. One hell of a Sphinx. You've said..."  
"137 times..." Bedivere butt in, before he gave Gwaine a salute.. "Sir Bedivere, Codename Revere, reporting for Duty SIR!"  
Elyan followed suit.  
"Sir Elyan, codename Brother, reporting for duty SIR!"  
"Sir Percival, codename Pierce, reporting for Duty SIR!" The huge knight added, jogging over.  
"Hey Perce, you want to join?"  
"Do we have a Merlin?"  
"We do indeed. Oi! Magic Man! You done?"  
"All set."  
They all shared grins, and Gaius, who was walking past, groaned before speeding up. As soon as he reached his quarters, he barricaded the door and set about preparing tonics for nerves, headache cures and various other necessary items, all the while pitying any fools who tried to get in their way...  
_

Arthur grinned as he crept out to the stables.  
"Psst! Hear there are a few in here who want vengeance on Gwaine?"  
Every single person in the stalls stepped forward, and the head stable boy spoke up.  
"Stable hands of Camelot, reporting for duty Sire!"  
Arthur grinned. Right, with the people he already had who had a grudge against Gwaine, which included half the kitchens, half the servants and all of the stall holders, he would like to see them crawl their way out of this one...

* * *

**Yeah, so I made a bit of Cliffie... But I have done several Camelotian Prank War style fics, and I think doing another here would be a little overkill :D**

**By all means, feel free to read Another Week In Camelot, which is soon going to be taken off Haitus!  
Anyway, I know this chapter isn't my best, in fact, I was not that happy with most of it, but I wanted to get this fic finished for you guys...  
Please let me know what you think! And if any of you have any one-shot requests, please don't hesitate to let me know and I will consider them :D I have a list as it is, but I will get around to them eventually :D**

**Thanks to all readers, favers, followers and reviewers, and I hope you enjoyed the last chapter. Hope to see you on one of my other fics!  
*****Hugs* to everyone!****  
**

**Raven xx**


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